Funerals and Envelopes
by Aura Sleepless
Summary: Mello is upset, and Near is afraid. At least they're not alone. Slight AU, in which Mello waited to leave the orphanage until after L's burial. Mello/Near, Yaoi, I do not own. Written for my sister, my friend, and for L.
1. Mello doesn't like boat rides

_**A/N: Wow, it's been forever since I posted a new fic!! Well, technically, this isn't actually a new fic (It was actually written about 1 1/2 years ago)**__**, **__** but I finally got around to putting it up. Expect more chapters to come, I have most of it written already!!  
**_

Matt stepped out of the steam-filled bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, and another turbaned around his head. Walking toward the closet at the end of the hotel room, he sighed. They were in Japan. 'They' meaning Roger, Mello, Near, and himself. It was to take L's body away. They had agreed with the Japanese Police that they could take L back to England, give him a proper burial.

Originally, it was just going to be Roger and Near. Mello wouldn't stand for that. And, wherever Mello went, Matt followed. Throwing on a shirt and some jeans, and put the rest of his things in his backpack. They were going back today. However, this would take longer then it did to get there. Because on the way there, Near found the plane ride terrifying, and clung to Roger the whole time. This time they would have to take two boats, three trains, and a taxi.

Mello was not happy, and Matt decided he'd stay away from him. He threw his backpack over his shoulder, and crammed his feet into his boots. Throwing his Gameboy into his backpack, he walked toward the door, preparing to embark.

Near pressed himself against Roger as the boat gave another sharp jolt. His face revealing no emotion, his fear only shown by his tight grip on Roger's arm.  
"We can take a plane next time, right? I think I'm getting sea-sick." Near asked. He heard a 'crunch' and looked up. Mello stood in front of him, holding a crushed soda can, 7-Up spilling down his arm.

"Let me get this straight. You forced me onto a _boat_ where there are no built in movies, and we're surrounded only by freaking _water_, just to tell me I could be napping on a plane right now listening to my Ipod if you had been thinking more clearly?!"  
"That's correct. I am sorry for causing you any discomfort, Mello."  
"Why you-" Mello jumped at the short, pajama wearing boy, clutching his hands around Near's neck.

"Mello!" He heard Roger yell. He didn't much care. Near began gasping for air. Roger reached over and pried Mello's fingers from Near's throat.  
"Mello, he didn't do anything! Leave him alone!"  
Mello scowled and walked to the ship railing, looking off. His blond hair blew, though not stereotypically, tangling in his face.

Near pulled out some Legos from his backpack and began attempting to build a castle. The boat shook again, launching the multi-colored blocks away from him, the wind swirling them further away. Near thought it would be pointless to chase them. He had been secretly dreading this, the upcoming funeral. He had never much been one for dead things. He wanted to put it off as long as possible, but he knew he'd have to face it soon.

"Sir, we're about to approach land." One of the ship men said. "I would recommend getting ready."  
Roger nodded. "Near, get your toys together."  
But Near wasn't listening. He was watching the plastic Legos swirl in the air. Occasionally, one would drop from the air current and into the water. His eyes settled on Mello, who turned to him and glared, tossing his backpack onto his shoulder.  
This was the first time Near had noticed; Mello was beautiful. Admittedly, an angry, twisted type of beautiful, but the blond had a certain beauty and mystique all the same.

The boat jolted, and shook Near out of his trance.  
"Sir, we've arrived."

Near stood up and put his backpack on. He grabbed Roger's hand, and stepped off the boat.

_**A/N: Ugh, I just realized how short this chapter is. Don't worry, the next one's longer, but I'm gonna wait 'til around this time tomorrow to post the next one. Just cuz I'm evil like that. :3 R&Ring makes for a happy Aura!!**_

**_~Aura Sleepless  
_**


	2. Near doesn't like dead things

_**A/N: Here you go!! Was gonna wait 'til around 10:30 to post, but apparently my dad has to look for jobs, so my little sister's sleeping in my bed. Which means, no 10:30 computer for me. But enough of the ranting. Yes, you'll notice, my RP character, Aura's in here briefly, and my sister's OC was mentioned. Enjoy!!  
**_

Mello grabbed a hairbrush from the bathroom, nervously running it through his hair. He picked up a black ponytail holder and threw his hair back into a quick ponytail. He slipped on the small tuxedo that Roger had bought him in Japan and headed for the door.

He stepped outside his room and saw Matt in a suit as well.  
"They're already gathering outside. Shall we?"  
Mello nodded. "Where's Near?"  
The sound of feet pattering down the hallway answered his question.  
Near was wearing black pajamas, that were quite like his white ones, and a black hat.

Mello thought that black didn't really suit the small boy, but decided not to say anything. Today was not a day for fighting. Mello felt Near's hand slip into his own. He looked down at the shorter boy. If Mello didn't know better, he'd say that Near was scared.

The three boys walked outside, and Mello noticed as it got instantly colder. The sky was gray and the wind was bitter. It looked ready to snow, or at least rain.  
"Mel, come here, there's a place in front where we can stand." Mello looked at Matt and saw where he was standing, just in front of the rest of the crowd.

The crowd was made up almost entirely of children, adults scarce and scattered.  
"Mello?" Mello looked up. Aura, a girl who's room was next to Matt's, was standing in front of him.  
"Hn?"  
"Roger wanted to see you."

Mello tugged his hand away from Near, who reluctantly let the blond go. Glancing over his shoulder, he watched Near begin to cling to Matt, and Aura rocking on her heels, which Mello hated. The girl was too... girly, to put it loosely, to ever become L. He couldn't imagine why she was even here in the first place._ 'No,' _Mello reminded himself,_ 'She's a nice girl, and I should be nice to her today.'_

He searched the crowd for the older man. Spotting him by the grave hole, he ran forward.  
"You wanted me?"  
"Ah, yes. Mello, I would like you and Near to speak a few words on L's behalf."  
"W-what?!", Mello sputtered, "Why us? Why not Matt, or Aura, or Yuki, or Linda, or-"  
"Because you two are next in line."

Mello sighed. "Fine."  
As the blond walked back, small raindrops began to fall. Mello ignored it and continued walking.  
He found Near and Matt at the front, and as soon as he was close enough, Near grabbed Mello's hand. As the ceremony began, the rain fell harder. Mello tried to focus on what the service men were saying, but failed as the white-haired boy's hand in his clenched tighter.

Mello looked down at Near, suddenly remembering what Roger had said.  
"Near, Roger wants us to speak on L's behalf, you know, 'cause we're next in line an' all."  
Near's grip on Mello's hand tightened.  
"That's acceptable." His voice was flat, emotionless.

Near felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up.  
"Here." Mello held a piece of chocolate toward him. Near just stared at him.  
"It calms the nerves." Near nodded and took it, placing it on his tongue.  
Mello looked forward again.

The service men began to lift L's body into the coffin, and he heard Near say "Oh, god." Near shoved his head into Mello's side, trying hard not to cry.  
The service men placed the body into the coffin and began to lower it, and Mello felt tears on his jacket.  
Near was crying. Mr. Emotionless was _crying_. Mello made a mental note to tease him about this later.

But today wasn't about fighting, Mello reminded himself. It's about L. Next to the coffin, Roger motioned to Mello to come over. He shook Near.  
"Pull yourself together, let's go."  
Near pulled away from Mello's side and wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve.

The two walked up to the others, then faced the crowd.  
"We are gathered here today to acknowledge a great loss." Near surprised Mello by speaking in a relatively calm voice, despite his apparent mental state.  
"L was a great man." Mello said, continuing Near's sentence. "Though some of us never met him, I can tell you he was kind, intelligent, smart....I could go on and on."  
"As next in line, I can say, that I am only replacing the idea. I will never replace the man."_  
'There he goes again, making this about __him__!'_

The rain was turning to snow now, and the two boys walked from the coffin's side.  
Mello looked down at Near and prepared to yell at him, until he saw the small boy's face, etched with fear, yet only noticeable to those who knew Near.  
"M-Mello?" Near looked at Mello.  
"What?"  
"Will you walk with me?" Mello realized they were veering away from the crowd, the crying children and those trying to comfort them.  
"I don't see why not."

_**A/N: Ooh, cliffeh!! Lol, not really. I couldn't figure out where to cut the fic for this chapter, 'cause it was originally meant to be a oneshot. Next part'll be up tomorrow around 10pm my time, but the bits after that might be a li'l slow, as I've not yet finished them. R&Rers get dedications and cookies!!  
**_


	3. Can't keep this inside

_**A/N: Ugh, short chapter. I'm so sorry guys!! I think I cut the last chapter too early, plus last night my dad sent me to bed before I could post this!! This is the second to last chapter, there will be an epilogue of sorts just to wrap things up. Must go, or I'll miss my Math test today!!**_

The two walked in silence, both wanting desperately to break it, but unable to think of something to say.  
"Mello?"  
Mello sighed. "Yes, Near?"  
"I'm scared. Terrified, really."  
"What of?" _Of becoming L?_  
"I am quite scared that you hate me."

"Why would I.....I mean, we fight a lot, but......Do I really act like I _hate_ you?"  
Near pulled down the collar of his shirt, revealing the strangle marks from the boat incident.  
"Yes. You do." Mello noticed that Near's voice was cracking, and he looked down to see the boy crying.  
"What is with you today? You're crying, and freaking out! It's totally unlike you!"  
"It's because I don't want to keep this inside anymore! What if you die? I can't...."

He trailed off. "I can't not do anything."  
Mello wasn't sure what to say. So he didn't.  
Mello walked toward the sobbing boy and put his arms around his neck. Near turned his head and buried his face in the blond's chest.  
"Mello?" Near choked out, his voice muffled by the older boy's shirt.  
"Yes?"  
"I love you."  
It took Mello a while to process the words. The person he hated most loved him, and Mello loved him back.

"Do you want to go back to the ceremony yet? Roger's probably wondering where we are."  
Near pulled his head away. "Uh..uh-huh."  
The two boys stood up and began to walk back toward the gathering place.  
Mello felt himself smile slightly, despite himself, as the rain gently halted. _  
Is this you, L? Are you trying to help us? You_ _always said you wanted us to get along better.  
_As Mello decided that it must be L's doing, they contently walked back in silence.

"Guys, where were you? The funeral's almost over!" The redheaded boy exclaimed. They were lining up to put white flowers on the fresh soil in front of the grave stone, which they had apparently placed while the two boys were walking.  
"Sorry, Near was feeling sick and Roger said I had to watch him, so...."  
"Makes sense. Here. Have some flowers."

Matt tossed two white flowers at Near and Mello, Near catching his effortlessly. As the two boys reached the altar, they placed their flowers gently on the fresh dirt, then walked inside quietly. No one noticed Near's hand in Mello's.

_**A/N: Hope you enjoyed!!**__** This is the second to last chapter, there will be an epilogue of sorts just to wrap things up. Must go, or I'll miss my Math test today!!**_

**_~Aura_**


	4. Always

_**A/N: First off:**_

_**HOLY JEEVAS THIS WAS A LONG CHAPTER TO WRITE!!!**_

_**Yeah, I actually had to write most of this recently. I only had it pre-written up until Mello's shpeel about "Too bad". Sorry it took so long!! Let me know if anything doesn't make sense. I speed wrote a lot of it, then had my 9 year old sister proof read it, so...**_

_**Enjoy!!  
**_

~~~~One week later~~~~

"Mello, could you please get the mail?" Roger called from another room. Mello nodded.  
He picked up the bundle of letters and sorted through them. '_Bills, bills, more bills, something for Roger, something for-_' He stopped.  
There were two white envelopes with the names 'Near' and 'Mello' written on them. '_Huh. Something for us._'

"Toy Boy! You've got mail!" Mello shouted, running down the hallways. The short, white haired boy looked up from his Legos.  
"Really? Who is it from?"  
Mello looked down at the white envelope. "It doesn't say." He tore his letter open, Near doing the same, just more carefully and precisely. Mello's envelope fell to the floor as he gasped.

_Mello,_

_I'm not sure when you'll get this – I've never tried to send letters to England from Japan._

_My time in this world is limited. There is a 99% chance I will not return from this case._

_As one of my top possible successors, I want you to know; I don't want you – Or Near, for that matter - working on this case._

_But, as L, one of you will have to._

_I want you to know – I love you both. Tell Matt I love him, too. _

_You two were the only ones who got letters._

_Be well, don't kill anyone,_

_~L_

Mello dropped the letter. It didn't hit the ground, though. Near grabbed the paper as it fluttered through the air.

"Mine is quite similar. The first two lines are the same. It replaces your name with mine, and vice versa. And the whole Matt part isn't in there." Near said, clutching his letter to his chest. "It also says 'Be well, make friends' instead of 'Don't kill anyone'."

Mello looked back at his letter, now in Near's arms as well. At the top right corner, it said:

_November fourth, 2004_

"Day before he died. It took to long to get here."

"That's too bad." Near said, sitting back down to his Legos.

"Too bad? The great L, whom we've been striving to be like, my hero, just died, and all you have to say about it is 'Too bad'?!" Mello said angrily.

"I apologize for my apparent lack of caring. I am genuinely distraught by this unfavorable turn of events."

Ever since the episode the previous week, Near, apparently making up for his huge surge of emotions during the funeral, had been even more articulate and stoic than usual, if that was even possible. Mello fumed, his attempts at remaining calm completely failing.

"I hate it when you do that," Mello said, kneeling down and rather forcefully grasping the arm Near was bringing up to twirl his hair. The boy looked slightly shaken for a moment, then replaced the look with another blank face.

"I do not understand what it is that I'm doing that is upsetting you, Mello."

Mello could feel the boy struggling slightly, almost imperceptibly, against his grip. He smirked.

"Why in L's name do you gotta be this way?!"

"Have to." Near stated. His attempts to reclaim his arm increased.

"You have to be that way? Why?" This was news. At least Mello was getting somewhere this time.

"No, thats not correct. I was simply correcting a minor grammatical error in your way of speech."

Mello took his unoccupied hand, slamming it into his forehead. _As if I didn't know that!_ "Then _why_, Near? And be honest with me, because I do actually know when you lie to me."

Near opened his mouth as if to say something, then, deciding against it, shut it again. He blinked slowly, and finally opened his mouth again.

"Put simply, it is a precaution created to ensure that I am not harmed emotionally or physically. If I am to become L – which, as Roger has informed me, has a possibility of over seventy-five percent – I can not allow what happened last week to ever happen again. It would be far too compromising." His eyes were slightly downcast, though you could only tell if you really knew him.

"To _ensure that you are not harmed? _What kind of wussy excuse is that?! Listen," Mello started, calming down as much as he could. _Breathe in, breathe out, you are a tall person, remember to breathe. He's only a stupid child, and you're older, so you should... what? Teach him?_

Mello sighed again, looking away. "Look. You ever thought that maybe by making yourself all apathetic like that, you're actually compromising yourself more?"

Near raised an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side. "Would Mello mind elaborating?"

"Well, think of it this way," He started, not entirely sure where this was going. "What if, as L, you were working on some minor case where a man murders his wife, and willingly gets caught. I know, this is simple – even Linda coulda figured it out – but bear with me. Pretend it's a difficult case. You find out that he killed her because she was being harassed by some other man, and he'd rather her die than see another man touching her. He lets himself get arrested because he knows full well that what he did was wrong. Does this make sense?" Near nodded, slightly uncertainly.

"Good. But, if I had simply given you the evidence and not spelled it all out for you, would you have been able to figure it out, with you and all your apathy? How could you have known how, when you're in love, you act like an insane person? Or, what if, somebody robbed a bank. Maybe they did it to pay for their daughter's college application?! If you've never known love, what can you do?" Mello stopped, out of breath. Near looked up, left hand at his hair. He pulled his arm from Mello's grip, and this time the blond let it go willingly.

After what seemed like ages of silence, Near finally spoke.

"May Mello please leave now? I need some time to think."

Mello nodded, standing. He began to walk away, collecting his letter and envelope. He paused at the doorway when the boy began to speak again.

"You're incorrect in your assumptions, Mello."

The blond boy turned. "...What?"

Near looked up, eyes locking directly with Mello's.

"I have loved. Do love, will love." The pale boy blinked, seemingly to hold back tears. "No matter what you do, what I do, what happens. I will always love..." He trailed off, yet not dropping his firm gaze. Near stood up, walking slowly over to Mello, who had seemingly gone into some sort of shock. Slowly, he uncertainly wrapped his arms around the older boy's neck, pulling them both together into a very awkward embrace.

"Make..." Mello started, voice soft, muffled against Near's hair. His arms began to slowly make their way around the boy's back. "Make me a promise."

Near pulled back slightly. "What is it?"

"Promise me you'll still love me, no matter what."

"Did I not already make clear that I will?"

Mello shook his head. "Swear it. Right now."

Near buried his face back into Mello's shoulder, lifting it slightly and standing on his tip-toes. "I, Nate River, swear on my life that I will forever and always truly and deeply love Mello-"

"Mihael Keehl." Mello cut in.

"-truly and deeply love Mello, Mihael Keehl, Chocolate Boy, and all his other strange nicknames." Near looked back into Mello's eyes, light-gray meeting green-blue. "Always."

Without hesitating as he had before, Mello very gently leaned closer to the boy, pressing their lips together. Near's eyes widened, then closed, as he pushed himself closer to the blond. When they finally released each other, Mello turned away, walking back toward the door.

"Mello?" Near said quietly. Mello swung his head around. "You dropped your envelope. Do you want it?"

He shook his head. "No thanks. I don't really need it." He took two steps forward, then stopped. "Hey Near?"

"Yes, Mello?"

"Always."

And with that, he was gone.

That was the last time Near saw Mello at the orphanage. There was a note book page on his bed the next morning, and he wondered how he'd slept through the intruder placing it there. The younger assumed that the older had decided that, as Near was now L, there was no longer room for him.

When they finally met again, Mello had apparently completely disregarded L's plea in his letter. He had killed many, many people. And he certainly wasn't well. And when the blond boy, now sporting a scar over the left side of his face, burst into the SPK headquarters that day, many years later, Near had still not broken his promise.

He was beginning to believe that Mello had too, until suddenly, without any warning and only a slight smirk, he strategically placed the word "Always" into the conversation. He could have used several other words, but the fact that he had used that specific one meant that he still did love Near. Through all the blind hatred and rage, he still loved Near.

Near had accepted L's request, however. He had made a friend. And he still kept the envelope with the name "Mello" scrawled across it in perfect handwriting, black ink, in his bedside drawer, beneath a copy of a photo of the boy and the notebook page Near had found. It had a single word printed on it in red Sharpie.

Always.

_**A/N: Well, there you go, the end!! Hope you liked, and, please, if you read, review!! I don't care if you thought the chapter was shiz, I wanna know what you guys think!!**_

_**~Aura  
**_


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